I feel useless and wonder if life is truly worth living. I am a senior executive with a long track record of success and just cannot get the next job. I am 62 and very experienced and cannot understand why I am being rejected from jobs that I can do.

Frustrated

Dear Frustrated

The job application process has changed rapidly in the last few years. Computerised programs allow HR departments and recruiters to concentrate on a few resumes that are spat out of the system. This is one reason why you have to update your terminology in your resume, for instance no longer is ‘typist’ used nowadays it is ‘word processor’ and has been since 1973 that I can remember!

Assuming that you are avoiding the pitfalls of mature aged applications such as putting in dates next to your education unless you were a later learner, using old vocabulary (as above) putting in more than the last 10-12 years worth of employment history, there are some things that you should know.

Contractual Employment

There is no such thing as a permanent job, the employment period is time limited by the employment contract. You have no say in the time limit, and some employers are bad at using short time limits so that they can get rid of any unproductive labour. 

Ageism

Sorry but saying and looking like a 62 year old is the same as being ancient to the hiring folks. Unless there is some outstanding reason why they should take you on – eg brain surgeon, they will not hire you as you are perceived as being too old. I do not condone this discrimination, but it exists and you have to fight it. Do not put your date of birth on your resume or any forms that they insist upon until after the hiring decision is made.  Do an image makeover and wear youthful looking suits or outfits, hair that is short and neat is always preferred. Moustaches went out with the 1970s, so if you have one, shave it off. You can always grow it back after you have the job. Hair colouring is ok (I do it) but don’t end up looking ridiculous. Hair stylists often suggest lighter colours, its up to you, but not a jet black. This hair colour shows up the slightest re-growth and never looks genuine on an older person.If you are out of touch with office wear, then take yourself down to some local offices at 5pm and observe how office workers are dressed as they leave the buildings. Make sure it is not a Casual Friday though!

Always go conservatively dressed than the latest fad for interviews. If you cannot afford a good suit – which can be horribly expensive, go cheaper but it must be a good fit with an expensive tie. The tie will win the day not the suit unless you are under the microscope. I often mix and match my workclothes with expensive pieces and cheaper items from chain stores. It keeps people guessing as to where you are on the social scale and it is none of their business anyway.

Keep at it

Being firm in your resolve will win the day I can assure you. I had a time when I put in over 250 resumes to get a job over 2 years. I know how depressing and daunting this can be. All I can offer is for you to keep up your job search. Re-applying with an employer is not a waste of time, it shows that you are keen and want to work there. Never assume what went wrong, ask them so as to improve your job chances in the future.

Frustration is one of the deep feelings that you will feel. Don’t be surprised at getting depressed and anxious too.  This is not your fault, it is the context that you are living in. Do some deep thinking about what you want to do and stick to it. You will get a break somewhere along the line. You won’t get a break though if you give up.

Door to door

This is usually a far better way of getting employment than being in a herd of resumes. Figure out the organisations that you wish to work for and go and knock on their doors. If they slam the door in your face you have just been told that they are an organisation that you really do not want to work with. You need a respectful workplace and in such organisations someone will take the time of day and point you in the right direction. You may feel like a pinball in a fast moving game, but if you get your goal you won’t mind. Working at this 40 hours a week is a minimum, treat the job seeking like your next job and it will pay off.

Best of luck for your next step in your career!

Kind regards

The Executive Doc

My business partner and I have set up a network of linked companies in several countries. We have been fairly successful as we operate in a highly specialised niche market. A few years back we worked together to win an international client and we agreed that if we were successful that we would share the profits on a 70%-30% split. I didn’t mind the 30% share as he was going to be doing more work than me. The lucrative client is on board with his company and he has been pulling in the fees as expected. However, he has not offered to pay me my 30% share for the ground work that I did.

I have worked with my partner for over 10 years and he and I get along great. When I have to be in his country he and his family are warmly hospitable and I have felt like a family friend. He comes from an impoverished background and his one failing is that he is very tight with his money. A source of great frustration for his family and other business partners so in a way this is not unexpected behaviour. But I thought that we were close friends and he would not treat me in the same way but he has. The 30% share is in excess of $1.5M, so it is not exactly something that can be ignored.

What do I do now? Legally it is not worth pursuing due to costs and it would end our friendship. Most people would want to exact revenge but I just feel sad that he has done this.

Cheated

Dear Cheated

Unfortunately it seems to me that you have been deluded by a malevolent executive – the type that I refer to as Medicocre. Their malevolence is not seen upfront because they are arch-manipulators. Their modus operandii is to choose favourites and appease them. That is probably what was happening with your inclusion into his family activities. When it comes down to ‘facts’ he has cheated you out of a considerable sum of money. If he was not so clever and an outright thief you would feel anger. Regardless, you are still very much connected with him, and now it is a negative connection with this grievance.

My advice is this: Clarify what value this person brings to your life. If you appreciate him greatly then put this in to effect: Remind him what he owes you. Don’t let him off the hook with his manipulation. Tell him that you know what he is doing which puts down a boundary. This boundary should never be crossed again. If it is – pull the plug. 

Your chances of retrieving the money are very slim as he will choose to keep the money than you as a friend-partner. This is down to his childhood trauma of poverty and we should feel compassion for him. Personally I would disconnect as I would not want my life to dealing with negative energy people who suck up much valuable time and energy for their own negative goals – in this case to be rich. Come to grips with that he has never been a real friend only a business partner who has cheated you and move on with the lesson that you have learnt.

All the best for a non-cheating future.

The Executive Doc

I have moved to an international marketing role which I chose to be closer to my widespread family and I just cannot believe the office politics that go on. I have to work along side a director who is on top of the market to learn how to sell the company overseas, but he is driving me crazy. I do not want to give up this job and I know I will succeed eventually but I don’t know what to do about this executive I have to work with.

Fed Up with Office Politics

Dear Fed Up with Office Politics

Unfortunately this is a frequent situation for co-workers to put up with an executive who has less than desirable traits but holds specialist knowledge in the company. I think that you probably have a Mediocre Executive on your hands and you can learn more about this type of manager here. Essentially this manager has developed office politics to a fine art and it has taken many years to do so. It is highly unlikely that the manager will change. Usually it takes a huge event to impact on their lives to see any meaningful change of behaviour. We are specialists in this and can do it, but you are a co-worker and it is out of your reach.

So what you have to do is protect yourself and develop behaviours that do not escalate the manager’s destructive activities on your career. So here are a few tips to help in the short term. The idea is to suck out as much information as you require to fulfil your new role and leave this manager as soon as your learning period is over.

Tip 1. Do not engage in any politics of your own. This means do not listen to gossip, do not promote gossip. Answer anyone who is wanting to involve you in the war against the manager and say “Sorry, am so busy right now….” If you say this enough times to a person then they get the gist that you truly are not interested and they will move on to someone else who is more amenable.

Tip 2. When your executive starts the office politics and talks about it to you, again use the time delay tactic. “Sorry, have to go now…”

Tip 3. When you are witnessing malevolent actions against another worker. Find time to talk to this person one-on-one and comfort them “I saw what happened today and I just want to say that I thought it was unnecessary.” Do not add fuel to the fire by adding “I dislike this person too.” as it creates a ‘justified’ reaction and the politics get worse.

Tip 4. Avoid the executive at office parties etc however, do not stay with only one co-worker, you will look like you are forming a faction, so spread yourself around everyone who is there and talk pleasantly.

Tip 5. Never perform any malevolent activity yourself. This includes if the executive commands you to do so. It is imperative that your own behaviour becomes tainted by this executive.

Tip 6. When quizzed by the executive upon your office relationship with the ‘hated ones’, just point out something that is good about them for instance, “Oh I just find his/her work in this very interesting.” You do not have to say why, there is no law to force you to state your evidence.

Tip 7. As soon as possible remove yourself out of the executive’s power base, this means perhaps taking up other roles or regions that you previously did not think about. Protecting yourself against harm from this executive requires a lot of energy, and it is better to learn everything that there is to learn and get away from the malevolent executive as soon as possible.

Tip 8. Stay friendly but stay open and honest. If faced with a point blank question maintain your integrity. You will have to answer but you do not have to do it there and then. You can say “That’s an interesting point, I will have to think about it and get back to you.”

I have found that these activities help in the short term and hopefully will allow you some time to do what you have to do with working with this manager and remove yourself at the earliest opportunity. We all have to endure times like these that are very frustrating, but they are short lived. Be thankful that you do not have to work with this malevolent executive for the rest of your time in the company!

All the best for your future you show good values to be more in touch with your family and that is the best way to be.

The Executive Doc

My son is quickly coming to a point where he has to decide on what to do. He is at university. He has said that he just wants money and fed up with learning. Our area has few opportunities but I want him to have a happy life and provide for his future family. What advice would you give in this situation? He is a good boy and I only want the best for him.

Worried Dad

Indonesia

Dear Worried Dad

First of all I want to congratulate you on being rightly concerned about your son. Some parents pressure their children to achieve high grades at school and then university and then they must compete to get a good job. This is not a recipe for happiness and they may burn out or rebel by the time they reach 40.

You will have some insight into what you think your son’s abilities are. However, this view will not be objective as it is can be based on your dreams or what you think is a good job, not on his predisposition. What is needed is a personality assessment, I recommend the Myers-Briggs Type Inventory (MBTI), which can be done with a registered evaluator or online. This in my mind is the gold standard of sorting out what a person’s inclination is. There are 16 types and each type has a list of careers that would prove interesting and fulfilling.

There is also great pressure on young people to perform better than their parents who were unable to have the opportunities that are available today. No doubt he will be feeling this pressure and this is a critical point for him, as most young people want to have money in their lives, do not want to live off their parents and want to go out into the big wide world. I have seen many a rebellion with young adults, but what they do not realise is that they may be throwing away the baby with the bathwater and lose on this most productive time to lay down education and training to prepare them for their future.

My recommendation is to get the MBTI test done, give him the list of careers that will suit his personality type, and have a discussion. Use a career counsellor if necessary. Understand where he is coming from, his yearning for freedom and independence and envy of others of his own age who are earning a living (at a less than satisfactory job) and look super cool to his mates and most of all – to the girls.

Many young people are forced to work in their teens due to economic pressure on their family, despite high intelligence and aptitude. Your son will view his current situation with new appreciation if he realises how boring those low skill jobs are. You may have to allow him to take six months or a year off (not a gap year spent backpacking) and work in one of these jobs. He will soon learn that this is not for him. How do I know? It happened to me and I became a clock watcher, counting the minutes of every hour to home time and having to deal with boring conversations with workmates and obeying slave driver bosses. Got me straightened out in no time!

I hope this gives you some ideas and let me know what happens.

The Executive Doc

Worried in Hotmailland

Dear Worried

The simple answer is ‘Yes’, but there are some caveats to this, and I need to respond at some length about this as it is a complex problem.
First of all mental illness knows no barriers, all of us can be affected at some point in our lives.

The Brain. Photo from: mentalhealth.squarespace.com

Research tells us that 1 in 3 of us can be affected through life. There seems to be two flash points – adolescence and older age. Both are linked to hormonal changes in our bodies as well as shifting life circumstances, for instance for males, schizophrenia is often first seen in their teenage or early adulthood years. Whereas depression for males is linked with getting older eg 40 +.
Most of the disorders respond to treatment, the most resistant set are those that are linked to personality disorders. Psychiatric workers report that most of their emergency daily intake relates to people not taking their medications and therefore exhibit behaviour which is anti-social which inevitably attracts the attention of health workers or the police.

Now there is a secondary aspect that must be considered. In the past I have worked as a CEO of an employment service for people with disabilities, including psychiatric disabilities and know from experience that many employers will discriminate if there is any hint of a disability. It is not necessary for an employee to disclose a disability and that right must be respected.  There has to be a balance of what the work entails and the person’s ability. I have no doubt in my mind that there are practicing surgeons and doctors who suffer from depression, bi-polar disorder, addictions and neuroses etc., who take their medications daily and function at a high level of capacity. Would I want a brain surgeon to operate on me if she is taking anti-depressants? My answer would be an unequivocal yes.

In addition, medical schools these days (about the last 10 years) tend to look beyond pure academic scores at intake and some have introduced specialised interviewing looking for benign social characteristics, for example having compassion and empathy – what is broadly termed as a good bedside manner. Therefore there is less likelihood for someone with say a borderline personality disorder to get in to med school these days.

Therefore your answer may depend on the age of the medical professional and when did they start their medical education.

You have raised the question so it would seem to me that you have some suspicions about such a person, which intuitively means that this person is anti-social in their behaviour and this brings me to mention that  in my research on senior managers is that there seems to be a type of organisational psychopath in the upper echelons of companies and professions, these people can lie without any thought whatsoever. They can pass lie detector tests, are highly manipulative, narcissistic and do not respect others’ boundaries. If you have something they want they will take it without asking.
There is also the Tyrant type who is like a slave driver and is only interested in one outcome to make him or her look better. Finally there is the Mediocre manager who acts like a sycophant to climb up the ladder – less likely to be offensive to you to your face, but puts the knife in your back when you are not there.

I hope this has been some help to you to sort out what is going on here.

The Executive Doc

My manager is a complete idiot. That is putting it politely. She called me into her office and ripped me to shreds about my absentee rate over the past year. Yes it has been high, but I have undergone some severe stress with my now former partner and had to receive counselling for coming to terms with his emotional violence. I have left the relationship and am taking anti-depressants while I am trying to get my life together.

My point is that she has not complained to me before, no one had said anything until this telling off today. I think it is grossly unfair and misunderstanding what has been going on for me. She won’t endorse my application for an opportunity in another part of the organisation and I have just found out that she has been laughing about me behind my back.

What do I do?

Raging.

Dear Raging

It sounds to me as this manager is bullying you. I would take this up with your HR department. Firstly though you have to document everything that has been said to you by this manager and the reasons why she refuses to recommend you. If you had a witness to this incident get them to write down what they heard too. Because bullying is sometimes not taken seriously or is not recognised as emotional abuse you may have a legal fight on your hands and therefore absolutely every detail has to be recorded. Likely as not, she wil not have it written down and therefore your records will stand in a better light.

Protect yourself from now on:

1. Document any interaction with this manager.

2. Never be on your own with this person, always call in a witness.

3. Start a real job search to move away – but don’t throw in the towel until you have a job offer in writing (readers will know why I always say that, as future employers can change their minds in an instant.)

4. If necessary take the legal route but I would go to your HR people first. They should be trained in how to deal with this. When  a person puts up their hand for help around bullying, it should not be doubted and put to the test. Almost all people who complain about bullying are genuine and your HR personnel should respond appropriately.

Take care of yourself and nurture your self esteem. The fact that she hasn’t mentioned this to you before demonstrates that you are on the right path and this is totally unfair.

The Executive Doc

I have a problem with my new CEO and I don’t know what to do. I am a senior manager and I cannot stand what he is doing to our company. It has been going on for 18 months now and all I can see is our business going downhill. What can I do?

Sleepless in Sydney

Dear Sleepless

Here is what you can do
1) You go the Board of Directors- or other direct report that he has to be accountable to.

2) Use independent hotlines if one is available, that the Board will listen to – eg complaints through the company Employment Assistance Program.

3) I have found that  a good portion of CEOs agree to intervention from a specialist as it is totally in their interests to undertake the identification of the real cause of the problem and to eradicate it completely – either the CEO concerned is interested in changing or s/he exits. CEOs understand that it directly improves their profits and they prefer a peaceful time in the company rather than everyone complaining.

4) If it is the CEO him/herself (identified as the ‘problem’), there may be some mobbing going on from the ranks, be careful here. Bullying is not for the faint hearted and better left to an independent outsider to intervene.

5) If the CEO does not want to change the bad behaviour then I counsel people to start their job search. No one can change manage them, only they can and they have to be really motivated to do this as it is painful and confronting. Usually poorly motivated CEOs are managed by poorly motivated Boards, so there is no confrontation, personally I just uncover it for their senior staff to decide if they want to stay or leave.

I have developed a unique methodology that allows people to permanently change on their own accord, they just need me to put them on the right path and apply the principles that I have taught them. It is immediate therapy but not for those with mental illnesses, although I have had wins with people with bipolar disorder, phobias and panic attacks. But I would never take on a personality disorder eg borderline personality disorder, as this is presently viewed as untreatable. Psychopaths for instance, have to be sidelined or they will ‘kill’ the organisation for their own needs. There are serial corporate psychopaths out there and my work is also aimed at screening these people out at recruitment intake. This is all down to my methodology as I am able to see through the pretences that these executives take. If your company had executive screening in place, then very likely he would never have recruited into your business.

The Boss.

Dear Boss

You haven’t stipulated what sort of complaints you are getting but there is obvious cause of alarm.

Here are some guidelines for you:

Mobbing. Photo from: http://www.raleyssolicitors.org.uk

1. Are all the complainers saying the same thing about the one person? If this is the case it is likely that the actual complaint is valid and it requires sensitive probing into the situation to check this out. A good manager will want to re-configure his or her behaviour to what is going on and also be willing to have training if required.

2. If the complaints are different in nature then you have a REAL problem on your hands. This could be a case of ‘mobbing’. This term is used to describe bullying upwards so that workers target a manager. It is a result of a unequal power in the workplace. Somehow a subordinate has wrestled power off the manager and has the employees following the ringleader rather than the manager. I have seen many organisations, usually on the small side, with imbalances of power of this type. And it is fair to say that these organisations are doomed in the long run as good employees will leave and with less than good employees around work output is lower and less profitable. The outcome that the ringleader is seeking is for the business owner(s) to fire the manager.

Either way a full investigation has to take place with the first assumption being that the complaints may be the ‘presenting problem’ and that deeper issues may lie at the heart. This may include changes that the business owner does not want to deal with and therefore the problem will keep re-occurring. Going in with some humility on the boss’s part will help to tease out the real problems underneath.

Kind regards

The Executive Doc

Meanwhile, enjoy your work, spread kindness as much as you can and have a wonderful 2011!

What is likely to happen:

• Extra workload, driving you and him/her under the desk with overwork is the workaholics way out of misery.
  

  Office Party. Photo from: http://www.the-rising-group.com

• No extra holiday days off work. Unless these are Public Holidays in your country there is not much you can do about this.
• Giving no gifts – most common device to deny Christmas. You don’t have to join in with the denial, give a gift if you feel that is the right thing to do.
• Giving stupid gifts or cheap gifts – accept with grace. Anything with a sexual overtone to it should be reported to your HR manager or Sexual Harassment authorities in your country.
• Giving gifts that are over the top – this will be the case with most managers that are strong on their Thinking and out of touch with their Feeling sides (to use MBTI typology) Suddenly you get a huge box of chocolates thrown at you – accept with grace. You are under no obligation to reciprocate.
• Office parties go horribly wrong
• Binge drinking – well known male way of avoiding issues.
• Won’t be happy or truly happy that you are.Likely to do the “Bah! Humbug!” to anyone approaching with Christmas good wishes.

If you have a fraudster in your midst, watch out for ‘odd’ behaviours. Christmas and New Year present great difficulties to the fraudster as they have money and not supposed to.  Therefore t’s a good time to declare “winnings” on Lotto, horses, Casinos, inheritances etc. They need to show their ‘good luck’ to you, so be on the alert.

The Executive Doc will have its doors open over the Christmas Holiday Season to help you, just email us in confidence and The Doc will help you.